Ramadhan always reminds me of my late father.. he left us exactly 10 years ago this month. How fast time flies, I can still remember how I sat by his grave and wept like a lost child. Sad, lost, sorry, regret.. all jumbled up inside me and I have no words to best describe how I felt that morning. My dress was soaking wet with my tears and sweat as I sat there by his grave till noon.
How I wish things were different then but I truly believe that these are all His plans for me. After I graduated, our lives caused us to drift away from each other. We were busy within our very own circles and I only saw him once or twice in a month. When he was sick, he stayed with me and I looked after him for a few months before he left for KT in early 2015. That morning before he left my house.. was the last time I saw him before he fell sick again... the last tine I saw him before he left us for real. Being bad in saying good byes, I tried to look away when he stepped out from my house... I wish I acted differently then, but of course... it is just a WISH. For some reasons, I didn't get the chance to see his face for the last time... and his body had been buried the moment I landed in KT... and that left me with this 'unfinished business' feeling since then. A feeling that sometimes caused me to cry inside .. because if I really said goodbye that morning, maybe I don't feel that bad now.
I know my father wasn't a perfect father, but I know he loved me and cared for me well while I was growing up. I miss him a lot. Al Fatihah.
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